I really think we need to come up with a new word for shopping. By we, I mean men. Shopping is not a manly word. When men go shopping, amazing things happen. Shopping (the word itself) is not amazing. Hence the new word I have devised for man-shopping is : manly-destructo-hunt-mission. It’s by no means a clumsy word. It’s a strong word. Filled with meaning and violence. Yes, violence. If shopping were up to men, we’d do it with guns.
To illustrate : my friend and I went manly-destructo-hunt-missioning today. We returned from our sortie with an assortment of classic dvd’s, 2 Xbox games and milk. Milk, which we will be using to destroy our enemies. Have you ever been killed by milk? No? Then don’t mess with me man, you WILL find out. The Xbox games are for mental training in our mission to be awesome manly men. The dvd’s are so we can learn from our manly mentors.
Unfortunately, men in modern society have been reduced to puppies. We ended playing the Xbox games and saying things like “oh goodness, look how nice they did the trees.” and “Wow, that is one sweaty soldier.”
The classic movies turned out to be about love and life in a world gone mad. We cried. We used the milk to make tea because we were feeling a little chillers in the late arvie. Emasculated. Pathetic. Tyler Durden would spit on us.
crayg
Agreed! Men have been reduced to slop. Have we no spine! Have we no HONOUR!
Gone are the days of men scouring teeming jungles armed with spears and daggers whittled out of flint, wrestling tigers WITH OUR BARE HANDS and tearing bear’s throats out WITH OUR TEETH!
JUNGLE BEARS!
Now men wear smarmy pink shirts and gay smiles and hang out in trendy nightclubs dancing in circles around women’s handbags.
Kill me. Kill me now.
Ah the truth flows from your lips like like blood from a freshly severed arm! As men it is time to rise up and reclaim our rightful place as leaders and pillars in society! It’s time to spit on those advertising executives that sit in their high rise offices telling us what we should wear and where we should go. It’s time to start being dangerous! Keeeeeeellllll!
Word.
I’m loving your writing Crayg. You’ve had me in stitches thrice now. Well done.
Vincent sucks for not having a comment follow upper thing. Seriously. Someone should kick his ass.
To the curb SheBee – to the curb!
Vince is possibly one of the few manly men left. See how he scoffs at the female? That is something to admire.