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29
Dec
2009

King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo Annexes South Africa

In the wake of convictions on criminal charges such as murder and assualt, King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo of the abaThembu has carefully considered his options and, rather creatively, has come up with a brilliant solution to his pending incarceration: annex South Africa! King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo gave formal notice to the Presidency, parliament and the NPA that following his humiliation at the hands of the High Court of Mthatha and the South African Media, he and his people – loosely estimated at 10 million – will be leaving South Africa, so to speak.

Now lets start with the basics, like who is this entertaining chap? Well he is the Mandela’s tribal chief (ouch) and he was convicted on various serious charges perpetrated against his community like murder, assault and kidnapping. And as to the annexing bit, I must appologise for my sensationalist header; he really is only annexing 60% of South Africa including parts of Gauteng (Johannesburg), KwaZulu Natal (Durban), and parts of the FreeState…and parts of the Eastern Cape – and oh yes, parts of the Western Cape like the beachfront property in Camps Bay.

Notice how he cleverly avoids any area that is economically insignificant like the desert for example although, to best of what I recall from Grade 3 history, he certainly has a better claim to the Karoo than Johannesburg . This is what is so interesting from a legal perspective: clients are always telling you the most amazing tales and fully expect you to put that version to the Judge without any consideration as to actual proof because he is obviously a moron who is going to believe whatever you say…suffice it to say this is not entirely the case. Who really needs proof anyway, right? “Yes your Lordship, Johannesburg could be construed as historically a Bantu area, however prior to the 1300’s…” Let’s stop that right there because this probably won’t reach actual trial stage.

Did I mention that the King also expects R 80 billion in compensation as well as fully expecting the Government to foot the bill for annexing our country. Only in South Africa Well not entirely, remember Tibet? Still, we win for entertainment value and for further entertainment have a look at The Star and The Daily Dispatch

Tags: abaThembu, abaThembu south africa, annex south africa, eastern cape, gauteng, King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo, kwa zulu natal, Moral Fibre, South Africa, south african politics
Posted in Blogs, Current Affairs, Politics, featured

30
Nov
2009

16 DAYS: Please Help to Break the Chain

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Once upon a time when I still had time to watch Oprah, she did a show on child pornography in America: she showed a map with one red dot representing the origin of one pornographic picture of a little girl and within 24 hours the map of America was a vivid red. Most – yes most – of the perpetrators were doing this to their own daughters. Others drugged their daughter’s friends on sleep overs. There are even instruction manuals that catered for all ages starting when they are months old. On these videos you can often hear the girls crying.

This is in America where they are very much aware of what is going on but don’t have the resources to follow all the leads they have, one can only imagine our situation. You know that women get traded like commodities right? I’m blond and thus I would apparently fetch about R 20 000 in Africa, at least I was told that once when I was twenty-one. The idea is as absurd as it it is real. Women and child abuse in South Africa, if plotted, would paint our map blood red and to me the most frustrating part is the amount of women who either go back or unfailingly choose the same type of boyfriend. So what can you do when someone you know is abused?

Most cities have Domestic Violence Centres which offer a very radical remedy: an all prevailing principle in law is that both sides of a story must heard before a judgment may be taken. At DV, an interdict preventing contact with the victim simultaneously with a interim maintenance order can be made on the victim’s say-so alone by merely filling in a form – the victim never even sees the magistrate who makes the order. A return date is given where the accused may state his case. Should he contravene the order he may be arrested immediately.

Obviously it’s not this simple: if he knows someone at the local police station, the police may refuse to arrest him, fucked-up but true. My favourite episode at the DV was when a Muslim man stormed in and started yelling at the councillor: how could they tell him not to hit his children when it was his right to discipline them? So he broke the kid’s collarbone – next time he’ll listen to his father.

The Muslim man broke my stereo-type but many more exit: I live in a well-to-do neighbourhood and the stories that I can tell are just as dark, the shame even thicker. One woman who lived in a white palace with high walls nearby, was kicked down the stairs one too many times so she gassed herself in her car. Abuse is a psychological game that knows no discrimination – it’s everywhere. And that’s why it should be the community who stands up against those who perpetrate these crimes – we should not allow the purposeful isolation that perpetrators contrive to enable then to keep a psychological noose around the victim’s throat.

Please be aware and when you do see something amiss, don’t turn a blind eye – get involved because it is always your place. Another way to help is to support the 16 Days 16 Charities drive: they provide a wide variety of services and are an important stepping stone for those who have nowhere else to go and no-one to ask. Please check it out.

16 Days of activism

Tags: 16 days 16 charities, 16 days of activism, foschini group charity, Moral Fibre
Posted in Blogs, Current Affairs, Uncategorized, featured

08
Oct
2009

Family Advocate: ‘n Onderonsie

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You know, what really pisses me off? Well…many things, I’m slightly temperamental. But in trenches of the legal benches, bureaucracy and civil servants on their little power trips absolutely kills me. It’s kind of like small man syndrome only this gnome keeps the keys to people’s lives.

I had popped into the Family Advocate’s office to check up on an appointment for mediation between an unmarried couple who have been unable to come to an agreement regarding their daughter. The Family Advocate is an office where many family advocates are entrusted with ensuring that the best interest of the child as the first consideration in determining parental rights and responsibilities surrounding the child. As with many thing legal – this is the theory at least. There are a few who hold this office for whom I have immense respect. Others not so.

The particular one that had my blood boiling was allowing the mother to abuse the process: the mother had informed the family advocate that she needed to consult with her lawyer before she could attend a mediation session – a session where no lawyer is allowed to be present and no-one but the parents are at liberty to make submissions regarding their children. No such ‘right’ exists so that the family advocate is not obliged to indulge this request. Nevertheless, the family advocate had agreed and at the time of the visit, more than a month had passed with no appointment having been made and the father was denied access to his child by the mother. Even after explaining the situation to the family advocate she insisted that the mother could speak to the lawyer first which resulted in a shouting match, me insisting on a deadline or limit, up to what point would she allow this abuse process? Another week, another month? Would she let the mother deny the parental relationship between father and daughter which is a Constitutional right? It went back and forth for a bit – she didn’t budge and neither would I. I finally left in a huff, spitting with frustration as she had no right to allow what was happening.

Obviously one could apply to court for access but it is no closely guarded secret that a small minority of our country have the financial means to launch such an application. Apparently I did get my point across as an appointment was set-up within a week of my visit but it doesn’t diminish the sin of prejudicing fathers.

Sometimes I wished baseball bats are an acceptable remedy. But it’s not. The only advice that I can give fathers is that it’s an open office – walk in and demand that your rights are enforced as well.

Tags: children law, family advocate, fathers rights, law, law practice in south africa, South Africa, talita
Posted in Blogs

06
Oct
2009

Falling Down the Stairs: My View

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Tie is a problem, said Lee.

I know, said Anna.

Do you think we need to request that someone be assigned to help us? asked Anna.

You know what they’ll say, she’s just middle class white girl – even if she does live in Jo’burg, do you really think that we can justify that three angels be assigned to her? replied Lee.

They’d say we are incompetent, Anna completed Lee’s thought and together they sighed.

Looking down on her sleeping from where they were floating just above her bed, you‘d never think that one girl could walk straight into so many dangerous situations? Who elopes with Navy Captains twice their age anymore? He wasn’t even rich…bloody romantics! He could have done some horrible things to her; she didn’t know him from Adam. But crisis averted; one very random trip to Switzerland courtesy of an estranged uncle opened her eyes to possibilities in the world. And she left.

For the past few weeks Tie had been driving without her contact lenses, tomorrow she has a trip to Pretoria planned…and she’s not going to see that truck in time. How will her angels keep her from going? It’s urgent – the advocate has to be in court next week and Tie is determined to get his brief to him come hell or high water. But if the angels don’t do something a very big truck is definitely coming.

The next morning a worried couple of angels watch ed Tie as she ran back and forth, up and down her office, getting ready to leave for Pretoria. Lee turned to Anna: I have an idea but it could be tricky.

Anna nodded, going against her better judgment (tricky means dangerous when it comes to Lee…she wonders about him sometimes) but then almost dead is better than dead, isn’t it? Well according to the living anyway.

Tie leaves the office and stops at the lift where a man is already waiting.

“Hey baby” says the stranger and in a flip decision she skips the lift and heads for the stairs at a fast pace. Down to the first landing she skips and as she turns to go down the next flight Lee, waiting on the landing gives her a little push. Her shoes, as Lee knows, are very slippery and both feet fly out underneath her – documents and limbs are flying but in it all Anna manages to catch her that she fell exactly on the bone of her lower back.

That’s gotta be sore, said Anna as they watched a dazed Tie recover.

Well that was the idea, said Lee. She‘s not crying though, hope it’s sore enough.

She’s in shock – give her a minute, she’ll be crying fountains.

And I did.

Yes I did actually fall down the stairs and the fall put my whole week into a blender…I’m hoping, for no reason that I can explain, that there was a point to falling down the stairs. So I wrote this and I felt better!

falling

Tags: chaos theory, destiny, divine intervention, divinity, falling down stairs, fate, provenance, the butterfly effect
Posted in Blogs

11
May
2009

The South African Brand of Christianity

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First seen @ http://iluvsa.blogspot.com/2009/04/opposition-slams-rhema-for-snubbing.html

As I’ve said before – I’m not fond of Christianity but although I am quick to point out when they fall on their faces, I also tip a cap when they get it right. Why? Because I really do respect a persons’ right to believe in what he or she chooses and comparatively speaking, the South African brand of protestant Christianity isn’t too bad – here’s why:

A raging argument in America and in many other parts of the world is that of the abolishment of evolutionist teachings in science class rooms and inserting in curricula creationist or intelligent design dogma. In case you don’t know, this school of thought holds that the earth is no older than about 5000 years and that God simply made everything, word for word as portrayed in religious texts. Evolution is thus a lie.

In America, fundamentalist Christians are campaigning so successfully that Bills in this vein have already been dismissed in court cases because the American constitution strictly prohibits religion in the class room. Still, say what you like about them, fundamentalists aren’t quitters and at the moment there is a board investigating the possibility of integrating creationist ideology in Texan schools. Islamic countries have ironically taken inspiration from this movement, so much so that they have publicly thanked the American Christian fundamentalists. Turkey in particular has had an enormous volume drafted that, for instance, compares fossils purported to be pre-historic to modern day fossils. When Richard Dawkins pointed out that they were not in fact the correct fossils as indicated and that they were comparing a snake and an eel, his site was unceremoniously banned in Turkey. (By the by, other sites banned include YouTube.)

So here’s what I love about South African Christianity – it’s practical. Having attended Sunday school for nineteen odd years before I ran for the hills, I can share some gems with you. Take the whole sex before marriage thing; we were taught that if you consider that the average age of matrimony was 14 and under, then it was a sensible prohibition. Today however, the average age of marriage is a decade later so it’s not a practical prescription anymore but as long as you keep to the teachings of Christ – like respect your body and don’t be a whore – you’re still cool. Also, more relevant to the argument referred to above –evolution – we were taught that the way God perceives time is different from the way we do so that when it says seven days and ta daa! there was a brand new earth with all the extras, seven days could be seven billion years to us. Evolution is thus entirely possible and it is still God’s work.

The point is that if you’re going to stay relevant you’ve got to be practical else you’ll be sitting with empty churches as is the case in many other countries. And that’s the moral of todays parable – be flexible but don’t loose sight of the goal, full churches and full church coffers.

Tags: America, christianity, religion, religiosity, richard dawkins, south african christianity, Turkey, YouTube, YouTube Inc
Posted in Blogs

16
Feb
2009

One Healthy Change | Here's to a Veggie Cocktail

2 Comments

Lecturing doesn’t work – tried it too often. Stats don’t work either, people are not naturally rational – as anyone who’s done anti-smoking add campaigns would know. In fact I read somewhere that the first thing smokers do when they hear lung cancer stats is grab a ciggie to calm them down – talk about messed up reverse psychology. So I’m not doing that either. I’m just saying that this girl got cancer very young and has credited her remission – when her doctors said she’d be long dead – to this one change in her life. She still drinks from her wine glass but it is filled with a green elixir now. Look, odds are that you or someone you love will get cancer. If you want to minimize the chances of dying painfully and slowly, vegetable juices are an easy way to do it.

But this wasn’t a love at first sight deal, more like the push to actually make the change. I’ll never forget a documentary featuring one of the pioneers of vitamins I saw years ago. His name escapes me but I do remember that he doesn’t take vitamins. He eats a mountain of greens every day. Now I neither have the time nor the inclination to work through the amount of greens that will give me the vitamins, minerals and anti-carcinogens that will let me see the turn of the century and can you bet your pert behind I want to be there! So this is the answer: juice it and bottoms up.

The first thing is a good juicer. If you have a big family it’s worth getting the bigger more expensive ones because the engine will burn out. If it’s for two or less, Phillips makes a brilliant little one that I picked up from Macro for R350. If you want to make fruit smoothies as well (a third place choice if the goal is to avoid cancer – too much sugar) make sure that the juicer you choose can crush ice – not all of them can.

Next are the veggies. Rule of thumb is that the brighter, more intense the colours, the more packed the veggies are with the good stuff. Herbs like coriander, parsley and dill have good anti-bacterial properties. Also ginger and garlic (try to get elephant garlic if you can’t stand the heat/smell, they’re subtler) are really brilliant. The bottom-line is, go get whatever you can in bright colours; bell peppers, carrots, spinach…whatever. Stick it in, press start and bottoms up. The surprising part is exactly how not noxious it is. It’s not a milkshake but it’s not caster oil either. If you want to be a doulbly goodie-two-shoes, you can get the veggies from organic markets because most of the vitamins can be found in the peel but the same goes for pesticides – kinda defeats the purpose. If the greens are not organic rather peel them.

vegetable shopping for veggie juice

There you have it. Use it, don’t use it…I’m just saying…a slow and painful death… the choice is yours.

Tags: cancer, crazy sexy life, healthy, healthy lifestyle, healthy living, juicer, Kris Carr, lung cancer, Phillips, South Africa, vegetable juice, veggie juice, vitamins
Posted in Blogs, Food, Lifestyle

09
Feb
2009

Divorce and the New Children's Act: A Substantial Change to Father's Rights

18 Comments

Father's Rights

In one foul (as some believe) swoop, the legislature has brought in changes to the South African law of family that is finally consistent with modern family arrangements. First of all, the terminology has changed; ‘custody’ has been replaced with ‘care’ and ‘access’ has been replaced with ‘contact’ (see section 1 for full definitions). In the past, an unmarried mother who was of age automatically had sole custody of the kid and if a married mother insisted on sole custody, it was the practice of courts to grant her such. Currently both parents have equal ‘care’ which broadly means that they have equal say in the big decisions like schooling etc. ‘Contact’ means that the primary residence of the kids tends to be with one parent and the other gets ‘contact’ rights that should be defined specifically. Before I go on; please allow me the airing of one gripe: many an old school lawyer will tell their married male client that courts do not award the children to the husband. If the husband does much or most of the care taking, running around etc. then it makes sense not to disrupt the status quo so that the children experience as little change as is possible. The fact is though that most women will oppose this for whatever reason which translates into High Court costs but don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not possible – my dad got custody of us as far back as the late eighties.

The most substantial change the CA has introduced concerns unmarried fathers; it’s not that long ago that there wasn’t even a process through which a father of a child born out of wedlock could approach the courts for visitation rights, never mind any substantial say in the rearing of the child but was obliged to pay maintenance for the kid. When unmarried mothers asked social workers about moving, it was not uncommon for social workers to say “Take your child and go.” As law now stands, such a father has equal rights in relation to the mother with regards to ‘care’ (see section 21 for unmarried fathers).

To crystallize the agreement, the notion of a parenting plan has been introduced which functions as a contract between the parents. The parenting plan then becomes an order of court which gives you recourse if the other spouse isn’t playing by the rules. Three lasts points that I would like to reiterate;

Paying maintenance is not quid pro quo for contact right. Just because you pay maintenance does not entitle you to see your kids and if there is a dispute about the maintenance then the other spouse may not withhold contact – that amounts to a contravention of court order and may be punished severely.
The longer it takes to sort out, the more acrimonious and hurtful the whole process will become – consider yourself and your children. Your costs will also be astronomical in that they could amount to half a million before you’ve even set foot in court which is paid out of the joint estate most of the time – in the end, everyone gets less. If you think you’re holding out for a better settlement the odds are greatly in favour of you getting much less.
Every step of the negotiations should be about the best interests of the children; you’ve made your choices and those who had no say in it should not be dragged down by your bitterness. No matter how much you hate your soon to be ex-spouse, for the love of God, don’t show it to the kids because that will cause unrepairable damage. JUST DON’T DO IT.

So there are the broad strokes. The only other thing that I can say is good luck and for those of you without kids, it would do you well to marry/date someone more honourable than you yourself – it will be one of the best choices you’ve ever made.

Tags: childrens rights, divorce, divorce act, divorce law, fathers rights
Posted in Blogs

07
Feb
2009

JSE's Trojan Horse

3 Comments

JSE

Look, I’m a layperson as far as financial markets are concerned but maybe pitching some questions into the great expanse of the web I may get some answers. As far as I know, one of the main reasons that South Africa seems to be weathering the current financial crises better than other countries is because our exposure to international financial markets is substantially less than other economies of similar size. Our exposure has been hampered by the both a cumbersome administrative process and expensive fees. All of this is about to change with the JSE launching an International Derivatives Product as well as two All Africa Indices. Now forget that the smart folk at the JSE just made the global financial village shrink a lot and bear in mind (pun intended) that derivatives have been sternly told off as the flawed instrument that caused the current crash in that it provided a pretty package for doubtful debt. This is obviously a too narrow view, kinda like saying guns are bad because they kill people (which is never-the-less a fact) and far from shady debt, the companies that one could gain exposure to are power houses like GlaxoSmithKline.

Still, it allows for a much higher risk as variables that could go wrong become too complex to track and things do go wrong at a disturbingly predictable rate. There has been a serious depression on Wall Street at least once every decade since the 1960’s – do we actually believe that Bright Spark Obama is going to rule this trend out? So the powers that be are allowing this instrument to be made available directly through the JSE to every moegoe who has access to the internet and although you can say that like with gambling, it’s a moegoe’s right to gamble. Yet one moegoe’s folly multiplied by many becomes everyone’s problem, doesn’t it? It just smells. Is someone insuring this? If so they’re going to be making quite a bit of money. And that’s what this is all about really: an exciting new product that brokers can sell, buying and selling being essential to their lively hood even when the product that they sell is thought to be a long term bet if real growth is to be achieved. It’s classic supply driven economics pitched at a time when people are desperate for good news.

I don’t know, I could be wrong – in fact, I’d love it if someone would set me straight…please?

Tags: all africa index, androids, depression, derivatives, financial trends, GlaxoSmithKline, Heidi, international investment, investment, Johannesburg Stock Exchange, jse, new indices, risk, South Africa, talita myburgh, Wall Street
Posted in Blogs, Marketing

02
Feb
2009

Why You Should Buy Antiques

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First, let me declare that I’m biased: antiques entered my life at the tender age of four when my parents divorced and my mom left my dad with the proverbial knife, fork and coffee machine ( he hid it because it makes his main food group). Faced with an empty house my dad went about decorating with an odd zest considering that he’s a macho Afrikaner. A friend got him interested not only in antiques and art but also porcelain. On the few occasions that Vince has ventured into the Myburgh household he never fails to mention the odd fact that the all male house is stuffed with gayly painted Clarice Cliff…which I happen to love, but I digress.

My dad is also a businessman. One of the main attractions to antiques are their investment value but no I’m not saying you should buy an ormolu mounted Louis xvi table. You basically get traditional classic antiques, Africana and cottage furniture. The main difference is the higher level of craftsmanship and more expensive woods used in classical furniture. The point really is twofold: cottage furniture will mostly cost the same as new furniture but is made better, of solid wood and keep their value better. If you ever do decide to sell something, you should get more for an older piece than a new piece even though you paid the same price for it. New stuff are generally also made with veneer wood which is a thin sheet of real wood over chip board or whatever cheap frame was used – it’ll be chipped before it’s left the display room. Then there’s of course the environmental aspect: no tree farming, no deforestation and no fatories producing pollutants.

Personally I prefer mixing old and new so that you have crisp, clean and comfortable next to character. But listen, taste is individual; if you hate old furniture, you hate old furniture. If you don’t have an opinion, check it out – it’s worth the while.

Disclaimer: This is not an ad but I should mention that my dad liked the old stuff so much that he started a business selling the stuff, North Cliff Antiques – I’ve been the slave labour since I was 9 but at least I know what I’m talking about.

Tags: antiques, Clarice Cliff, Cliff Antiques, environmentally friendly, furniture, investment, main food group, Northcliff Antiques, talita myburgh
Posted in Blogs, Lifestyle

01
Feb
2009

Observations on Divorce | Divorce in South Africa

7 Comments

Disclaimer: The writer is not a qualified attorney nor is she a legal advisor. She is a candidate attorney with some experience working in the Johanneburg Divorce Court.

This blog and the one that follows is a broad opinion on divorce and the new Children’s Act that has changed much for both divorced parents and those who have never been married.

“Divorce season is on!” someone said the other day and it is indeed. The Saturday Star has run an interest piece citing international research on divorce for two weeks running but let me tell you, the research is just as relevant in South Africa. Those who work with divorces know that the festive season traditionally holds much temptation which leads to divorce in the new year but because finances are a leading reason for divorce, the current economic conditions contribute to an increase in the number of divorces. A key reason for this is that many wives turn a blind to their husbands’ extra-curricular activities in exchange for the comfort and privileges that comes with being Mrs. So-and-So. Faced with budget constraints the incentive is no longer there which leads to the filing of divorce. But women of every economic bracket are more likely than men to get divorced and I often wonder why from a purely financial perspective. Women end up with the kids which translates into expenses that cannot be directly quantified into Rands and cents very easily, like forsaking a promotion because you have to be home. Men who see kids on every other weekend and rotate holidays not only do not have this problem, their income actually increase by the mere fact that they get divorced considering that they shouldered more financial responsibility than their wives during the marriage and that by law each parent must contribute 50% to the children’s expenses after divorce. The financial benefit is compounded by the fact that men still earn more than women comparatively and that, again, expenses are not divided into who earns most but what each party can afford.

The outcome is that women who were not content in their marriage end up very bitter and take it out on their kids by bad mouthing the other parent or illegally obstructing visitation rights. The latter can especially end up shedding a bad light on any case that appears in a court because maintenance does not entitle you to visitation rights and in the same way, non-payment does not entitle a parent to withhold visitation rights. If a parent with-holds visitation right where those rights have been made a court order, that parent is in contempt of court and can go to jail. The reverse is that where maintenance is not paid, that too is in contempt of an order which can mean jail time.

The bad news for guys is, even if you want your kids to live with you and courts have technically awarded men primary care of kids since the 80’s, first choice is always the wife. Assuming that the wife wants the kids (who may be abused to emotionally manipulate the husband), a husband will have to go to lengths to discredit the wife as a fit mother. Ironically, in the mud swinging contests, women are much better and more willing than men to hang out the dirty laundry. These are obviously just generalizations and I have met many a woman who have stayed with husbands trough thick and thin and still on divorce will not ‘betray’ their soon to be ex-husbands in any way.

From an emotional perspective be prepared to get demolished and if you have kids, the effect increases exponentially. It’s a fact that cannot be explained without going through it and years alone will tell if you’ll heal completely. Dating is also not what you remembered it to be; once in your thirties your pool of potential partners is less than halved compared to your twenties for many reasons and everything is just more complicated full stop (e.g. potential partners have their own kids, careers, closely guarded household boundries and routines). If you are considering divorce, make sure that it is for real reasons but I’m not going to say anything on that score – I’m just saying that it’s not the easy way out that people think it is.

Tags: divorce, divorce court, divorce law, divorce south africa, law
Posted in Blogs

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